Faith, Hope, and Love.

Just a few days ago, I got back home from being a group leader at FaHoLo's Jr. High Camp. All I can coherently say, is that it was such an amazing, life altering experience. I got to spend my days with a group of 11 young ladies who were absolutely fabulous, and who I got the opportunity to invest in.

I think what my favorite part of the whole experience was, was seeing God move through those teens. There were a couple of my girls that I could tell were really going through some rough times. And through the movement of the Holy Spirit and through the words of Jason Buchan, those students were changed in some amazing ways. Especially one girl, who I could tell throughout the week had some serious self image issues, and had next to no love for herself. She even confessed to me that she had come to camp thinking that she was worthless, and there was no way Jesus could love her.

But, praise the Lord, because after an amazing night of the Word and worship, she told me that God had shown her that none of that was true. That completely melted my heart. I could see God showing to me, crystal clearly, that this is my calling. Working with teen girls like her, and showing them that Christ does love them, and that they do have worth. It's clear to me now, that the Lord has really called me to youth ministry, which is something that I never would have expected.

Honestly, I cannot wait until next year, when I will have the opportunity to do this once again. The whole experience was just awe inspiring, and I cannot wait for the Lord to use me again. Being at camp and being those girls' counselor, made me feel at home; like it was what I was supposed to be doing.

It is you who gives me strength.

This should have been done a lot sooner. However, I keep letting life and laziness take over. I'm either constantly busy, or constantly not. But, that's not what I wanted to write about tonight.

Tonight, I was faced again with just how much the Lord is changing my heart. It's been a slow process, these past six (almost seven!) months. It's been more challenging than anything I've ever faced, and I feel I've grown far more than I could have possibly conceived.

While it's true that I'm far from being where I want to be, I know that the Lord has it under control. I'm not perfect, by any means, and there have been a few "relapses" that have set me back. There have been times when I seriously questioned why I was going through this. I felt like God was giving me way too much to handle! But the beauty of it, is that it's not in His nature to give us more than we can handle. It even says so in the Bible! 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you beyond what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

The Lord is working some amazing healing in my heart, and I am so grateful for his mercy and love! Each day, I see the progress I make, and the ways He has and is taking care of me. Through Him, I can do anything. Through Him, I have been made new. He has taken my guilt and He continues to take my fears and heartaches. He has set me free.

You've got so much love in you,

I'm finding that my current 'difficult' thing to deal with is loving others and not resorting to biting words and anger. I wish I could say that this isn't the case, but it is. And it's only an issue with my family.

My family are the connoisseurs of anger and arguing, it would seem. It's all I grew up around, and sometimes it seems like I can only respond in the same way. But today I read a verse that helped and greatly encouraged me; Proverbs 10:12. It says, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."

When we react in anger or hatred, it only causes more problems. Instead, we need to hold our tongues. We need to obey, even when it seems ludicrous or unfair, because the Bible tells us to honor our parents. We need to respond with calm and quiet words. When we react with love, the way that Jesus would, it changes things. It changes perspectives and stops arguments before they can fester into full-on verbal brawls.

The key here is to actually think before we speak. To not let our emotions run wild, but to think instead how we can turn it around to honor our Father. If I could just stop arguing with my mother when it feels like she's just picking a fight, she can start to see how much of a change I truly am making in my life. And, hopefully, she can see Christ reflected in the things I do (or don't do!).

You have so much love in you. That's the way God wanted it to be! So why do we constantly let the hatred take over?

Let me think of how to word it.

So the original ten day fast got extended to two weeks. Like most people, when Pastor Jay brought up extending the fast, I just thought, "Aww. Man. Really?" And almost immediately after, I mentally kicked myself! I mean, why not? Why shouldn't I have extended the fast? My initial reluctance showed me just how much I let technology rule my life, so I knew I had to extend it! And I am so glad that I chose to go for the full two weeks. I think that in those two weeks, God worked some awesome things into my life and my heart. It was amazing how close I became to Him. And all it took was for me to shut off the distractions and intentionally spend time with God.

I also realized just how much I was running from God, even though I thought I was running towards Him. It's in our nature (mine, especially) to avoid confrontation, especially with God, when we know that what God has to say will likely convict us and push us to be better. So we put these constant distractions in our lives to avoid His gentle conviction. In essence, we're kindof pansies!

I also noticed just how much people worship television. That's right. We worship it. We literally plan out when we're going to sit down to watch our favorite programs. What if we did the same for God? What would our lives be like if we intentionally pursued God at certain times everyday, for hour increments or more? I can guarantee we would see a huge change.

Overall, I came to several conclusions throughout this fast. Mostly that we need to purposely choose to pursue God. He doesn't just want us in between commercials or during the few minutes of silence before bed. He wants all of us, all of the time. I also concluded that I sort of like silence. I enjoy sitting in silence, with just me and my Father, letting Him speak to my heart. It's so much better than music, or tv, or any other sound.

Time to fast.

Tomorrow starts the ten day fast at The Well. I am so stoked, and have been looking forward to this since Pastor Jay brought it up. I know that I definitely have a lot of things that need to be put aside for a while, because they're keeping me from being close to God. Not that a fast should be the sole reason I rid myself of those things. It's just a motivational push of sorts. And I think that after this fast is done, I want to regularly fast things that I get too occupied with. Maybe once a month or every other month, or something along those lines.

So tomorrow I will fast the internet. I spend far too much time on it, even if I do sometimes use it for devotionals and things of that sort. It's still becoming an idol of sorts, and I know I use excuses of communication, devotionals, etc. to justify it. Thus, I'm completely not opening my computer for ten days. I don't think I will even be checking my e-mail. This will be the hardest thing for me to fast, as I use it as an escape from issues surrounding me. However, I should be going to God to deal with these issues, rather than trying to escape.

Also, I am cutting out any music that does not praise God. I've already set up a playlist of music that I know praises God so that I can listen to it throughout the day. If I can get my hands on a blank cd, I also want to make a cd to take into the car with me. Because I hate driving in silence. But maybe that's what I need to do, at least for a few of the days.

Finally, no television. I usually only have it on for background noise, but I still have it on far too much and even find myself surfing channels and watching mindless shows when nothing "good" is on. This one will be difficult to do if my brother is still staying with us, but I'm up for the challenge.

So there are the things I am fasting. I hope that this will help keep me accountable, since I'm putting it in writing. And also, I want to look back in ten days and know that I did what I said I would. I look forward to using the time I would normally spend on the computer, watching tv, or listening to music to spend more time with God, reading His Word, praying, and worshiping Him.

Truth Project.

Faith isn't a feeling - faith is overcoming your feelings.

I love this quote. It was one of the many that stuck out to me during small group. Tonight was the first night of Truth Project. And all I can really say is, WOW. It's so deep, so thought provoking, so full of truth.

What is truth? When you actually think about the answer to that question, you have to pause for a minute before you come up with an answer. But I think that there was one really good answer in the video we watched. Truth is "that which corresponds to reality as perceived by God."

It seems like the world is so consumed with the idea of relative truth. That what is true for you, isn't necessarily true for me. But that's not true! Truth is an absolute, it has to have a baseline. And whether we want to believe it or admit it, God is that baseline.

And I think simply understanding truth, and how God is truth, and how Jesus was sent into the world to testify to the truth, isn't as far as it goes. We need to take this truth that God has given, and we need to show the world the truth. Show them that this idea of relative truth is a cop out from doing what we know is right. Show them that Jesus was sent to set the captives free. That God is a wonderful Creator who loved us enough that He came to earth to live amongst us and die so we could be saved. We also need to ask ourselves: "Do you really believe what you believe is really real?"

It's deep. And yet, a discipline of sorts that I think this world is greatly lacking. If we, as Christians, know what the truth is, even if our comprehension is nowhere near fully understanding it, are we living that truth out? I think that if we aren't living it out, our answer to that question is no. I know that for me, it's a no sometimes. We know what is right and what is wrong. What is truth and what is a lie. We just don't always choose to live like we really believe that what we believe is really real. And that needs to change! Otherwise, how will we reach those who are still held captive by sin? How will we live our lives in such a way that will lead them to the truth that is Christ?

I cannot wait for next Thursday. :]

C'est la vie.

I have to trust in the Lord, that I am here for a reason. That reason may be completely obvious, or it may be something I won't realize until much later. Regardless, I know that I'm stuck in this home for a reason, and that reason is going to glorify Him.

I just need to be patient, until I leave in September. Maybe even sooner than that, if I can find a place to move into.

Until then, I need to suck it up. I need to serve eagerly, and expect nothing in return. When they strike me, I need to turn and offer them the other cheek. I need to stop trying to get through to my mom; I need to just love her no matter what. Because love is more powerful than words or anger.

Life is not easy. I know this fact all too well. I won't gain character or strength or courage or anything, unless I go through these obstacles. Life would be too easy and completely meaningless. That's why I can't sweat the small stuff. Because what seems like the world right now, will only be a blip on the map of my lifetime. And none of it will matter the day that I meet my Father.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.