I was faced with making one of the most difficult decisions I could make this afternoon. After struggling for probably over a month about whether or not I should go through with it, I finally got the clear answer I'd been asking for. Not that it necessarily felt clear. Trust me, even as things were happening, I still had reserves. I kept looking five steps ahead (and still am), and focusing on the repercussions that would come from either side of the decision I made. I think that's why it took so long for me to come to my decision. I couldn't let go of my doubts and my inhibitions, and I am, quite frankly, afraid.
I'm leaving this vague intentionally. God knows what I did, and why I did it. I won't lie that it kinda sucks having this burden on me, knowing what's going to happen soon when those around me are absolutely oblivious. But, I know that it is so good for me at the same time. I'm building my faith by trusting that God has this handled. There are so many different outcomes that could potentially occur from my decision, and I just need to trust that He has it under control, and He is going to take care of the situation and those that are involved. And I do trust Him!
I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than to remind myself later, when I'll be second guessing my choice because of all the hurt it's going to cause, that in the long run, I made the right decision. Unfortunately, it often requires heartache for God to be able to work in our lives and the lives of those around us. And it's such a reassurance to know that every heartache we have has passed through His hands first. He's got a plan for all of this, and He won't let me, or the others involved, go through this alone.
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, oh worm Jacob, oh little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.Isaiah 41:13-14
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