Found peace.

Last night was a real struggle for me. I am still in limbo, basically, on the whole XMin thing. I'm awaiting the phone call for my 10 minute interview before they tell me I'm either accepted or not. Because things are drawing so close, and because I still struggle with problems of worrying, I began to doubt. What if this wasn't really what God has called me to do? What if I'm just doing it because I think it's a good idea? What if I'm only doing this out of selfish ambitions?

So, in desperation, I spent some early morning time with my Father. Having worked until 4am, I came home wide awake and desperate to hear from God. I actually spent some time just listening to what He was trying to speak into my heart, something that I don't do enough. I struggled for a while, listening to God and hearing him whisper that "Yes, this is what I have called you to do," but thinking only that it was my voice trying to cover the silence. It wasn't until I stepped back, laid to rest my fears, and just opened my heart completely to God that I became peaceful. My anxieties were laid to rest, and I just knew that God was going to work everything out in His own time.

There is a verse I put on my closet, one that I copied down years ago to encourage me as I was in foster care. Now, however, I look at it, and it means something completely different to me.

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.
Genesis 28:15 NIV

Our God is a God who will never abandon us, even when we fear that He isn't going to pull through. He is there, guiding our steps and watching over us as we follow the path He has set out for our lives.

My favorite part about that verse is the last sentence; "I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." Not only is God always present, but He is faithful, and will fulfill the promises He has made us. I know that God has a plan for my life, and that His presence will never leave me. I also know that what He has promised is good, and that letting petty things like doubt get in the way of that is foolish.

I just need a little more faith, sometimes.